You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
