You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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