Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
