Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
