who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I AM VODKA MAN
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
