Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
