I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
