the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
