Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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