Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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