I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
