How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
