This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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