butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
did i walk over a car last night?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
