I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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