Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
