I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
