SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Green mimosas i think yes
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
