Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
