good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
