This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
