I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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