i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
