I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
