I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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