I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
