so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
