I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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