At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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