Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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