This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
