I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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