Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
