What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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