Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
