Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
