well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
