Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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