u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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