garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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