Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
