my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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