i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
