this boner is exhausting
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
