She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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