You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
