Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
