This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
