who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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