We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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