i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
