where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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