there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
so much tequila, so little girl.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
