I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize