R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
